Oh well. And down came the Great Firewall of China on all things blogspot.
My only regret: no one ever getting to read about my quitting story. Until next time...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
you can't read this if you are in China
Oh well. And down came the Great Firewall of China on all things blogspot.
My only regret: no one ever getting to read about my quitting story. Until next time...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
interesting, real history you won't find at the Ming Tombs
From texts provided by the Ming Tombs:
The Underground Palace of Dingling was the first 13 Ming imperial tombs ever excavated. With the approval of the State Council of the People's Republic of China, trial excavation began in May 1956 and proved successful in a year. The underground palace was composed of five halls, one in the front, one in the middle, one in the rear, one on the right and one on the left. With a stone latch unfastened, the palace halls measure 1,195 square meters in total area. Over 3,000 cultural objects were unearthed. In 1959, a Dingling Museum was erected on the original site and formally opened to the public.
From Wikipedia:
Ding Ling (Chinese: 定陵; pinyin: Dìng Lìng; literally "Tomb of Stability"), one of the tombs at the Ming Dynasty Tombs site, is the tomb of the Wanli Emperor. It is the only one of the Ming Dynasty Tombs to have been excavated. It also remains the only imperial tomb to have been excavated since the founding of the People's Republic of China, a situation that is almost a direct result of the fate that befell Ding Ling and its contents after the excavation.
The excavation of Ding Ling began in 1956, after a group of prominent scholars led by Guo Moruo and Wu Han began advocating the excavation of Chang Ling, the tomb of the Yongle Emperor, the largest and oldest of the Ming Dynasty Tombs. Despite winning approval from premier Zhou Enlai, this plan was vetoed by archaeologists because of the importance and public profile of Chang Ling. Instead, Ding Ling, the third largest of the Ming Tombs was selected as a trial site in preparation for the excavation of Chang Ling. Excavation completed in 1957, and a museum was established in 1959.
The excavation revealed an intact tomb, with thousands of items of silk, textiles, wood, and porcelain, and the bodies of the Wanli Emperor and his two empresses. However, there was neither the technology nor the resources to adequately preserve the excavated artifacts. After several disastrous experiments, the large amount of silk and other textiles were simply piled into a storage room that leaked water and wind. As a result, most of the surviving artifacts today have severely deteriorated, and replicas are instead displayed in the museum. Furthermore, the political impetus behind the excavation created pressure to quickly complete the excavation. The haste meant that documentation of the excavation was poor.
A severer problem soon befell the project, when a series of political mass movements swept the country. This escalated into the Cultural Revolution in 1966. For the next ten years, all archaeological work was stopped. Wu Han, one of the key advocates of the project, became the first major target of the Cultural Revolution, and was denounced, and died in jail in 1969. Fervent Red Guards stormed the Ding Ling museum, and dragged the remains of the Wanli Emperor and empresses to the front of the tomb, where they were posthumously "denounced" and burned. Many other artifacts were also destroyed.
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
The Underground Palace of Dingling was the first 13 Ming imperial tombs ever excavated. With the approval of the State Council of the People's Republic of China, trial excavation began in May 1956 and proved successful in a year. The underground palace was composed of five halls, one in the front, one in the middle, one in the rear, one on the right and one on the left. With a stone latch unfastened, the palace halls measure 1,195 square meters in total area. Over 3,000 cultural objects were unearthed. In 1959, a Dingling Museum was erected on the original site and formally opened to the public.
From Wikipedia:
Ding Ling (Chinese: 定陵; pinyin: Dìng Lìng; literally "Tomb of Stability"), one of the tombs at the Ming Dynasty Tombs site, is the tomb of the Wanli Emperor. It is the only one of the Ming Dynasty Tombs to have been excavated. It also remains the only imperial tomb to have been excavated since the founding of the People's Republic of China, a situation that is almost a direct result of the fate that befell Ding Ling and its contents after the excavation.
The excavation of Ding Ling began in 1956, after a group of prominent scholars led by Guo Moruo and Wu Han began advocating the excavation of Chang Ling, the tomb of the Yongle Emperor, the largest and oldest of the Ming Dynasty Tombs. Despite winning approval from premier Zhou Enlai, this plan was vetoed by archaeologists because of the importance and public profile of Chang Ling. Instead, Ding Ling, the third largest of the Ming Tombs was selected as a trial site in preparation for the excavation of Chang Ling. Excavation completed in 1957, and a museum was established in 1959.
The excavation revealed an intact tomb, with thousands of items of silk, textiles, wood, and porcelain, and the bodies of the Wanli Emperor and his two empresses. However, there was neither the technology nor the resources to adequately preserve the excavated artifacts. After several disastrous experiments, the large amount of silk and other textiles were simply piled into a storage room that leaked water and wind. As a result, most of the surviving artifacts today have severely deteriorated, and replicas are instead displayed in the museum. Furthermore, the political impetus behind the excavation created pressure to quickly complete the excavation. The haste meant that documentation of the excavation was poor.
A severer problem soon befell the project, when a series of political mass movements swept the country. This escalated into the Cultural Revolution in 1966. For the next ten years, all archaeological work was stopped. Wu Han, one of the key advocates of the project, became the first major target of the Cultural Revolution, and was denounced, and died in jail in 1969. Fervent Red Guards stormed the Ding Ling museum, and dragged the remains of the Wanli Emperor and empresses to the front of the tomb, where they were posthumously "denounced" and burned. Many other artifacts were also destroyed.
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
another potential trainwreck that we all know is coming...
"Mwo-haha! I've got you right where I want you Beijing..."
Friday, May 1, 2009
ways to completely demotivate your employee pt.1
Slip a fake 100 RMB note into your employee's monthly cash salary, then deny plausibility when confronted with the fraudulent banknote.
Monday, April 20, 2009
"So, what's it like to work there?"
Recently, while at work, I learned the phrase: 道可道，非常道... dao4 ke3 dao4, fei1chang2 dao4.
Three of us, foreign and non-foreign coworkers working together to reach a consensus, arrived at a kind of conflated translation of the expression which we loosely came to understand as a kind of reflection or meditation on the underlying tenants defining the core principles of Taoism. To quote a coworker from an unrelated department:
"It is as if everything you know and have learned, you have discovered to not be true. No, maybe this is not right... It is like everything is different and in the end becomes something... different."
--Oh, so you mean it means like, it expresses that you can't trust anything you've ever learned? And that everything you know, and have learned, is just a part of your own personal environment.
"Oh, no. It's a very difficult thing to translate. Let me check online."
(nearly half an hour later...)
"道可道，非常道... It means like everything you know is not necessarily true..."
--I... think, I understand...
This is what it's like to work here: 道可道，非常道. The Way is The Way, that's exactly what It is. The Way. No matter what happens--absurd directives from higher-ups, common knowledge that the office is more like a Fantasy Camp that an actual company--it happens. It just does.
You either get used to that, or... (as I recently experienced) ... you go a little mad. Lucky me that it happened as I "knelt at the foot of the Buddha", that is, if Buddha were Klamm.
To quote my immediate superior during a discussion concerning our future affairs:
"It doesn't matter what you say or what you do... that's as good as it gets."
Or, in other words:
Your world can be turned upside-down, over and over again, doesn't matter how many times, but that doesn't matter. Gravity is always pointing in the same direction.
Everything eventually changes in some way, thus change is a fixity.
Total Information Awareness
Three of us, foreign and non-foreign coworkers working together to reach a consensus, arrived at a kind of conflated translation of the expression which we loosely came to understand as a kind of reflection or meditation on the underlying tenants defining the core principles of Taoism. To quote a coworker from an unrelated department:
"It is as if everything you know and have learned, you have discovered to not be true. No, maybe this is not right... It is like everything is different and in the end becomes something... different."
--Oh, so you mean it means like, it expresses that you can't trust anything you've ever learned? And that everything you know, and have learned, is just a part of your own personal environment.
"Oh, no. It's a very difficult thing to translate. Let me check online."
(nearly half an hour later...)
"道可道，非常道... It means like everything you know is not necessarily true..."
--I... think, I understand...
This is what it's like to work here: 道可道，非常道. The Way is The Way, that's exactly what It is. The Way. No matter what happens--absurd directives from higher-ups, common knowledge that the office is more like a Fantasy Camp that an actual company--it happens. It just does.
You either get used to that, or... (as I recently experienced) ... you go a little mad. Lucky me that it happened as I "knelt at the foot of the Buddha", that is, if Buddha were Klamm.
To quote my immediate superior during a discussion concerning our future affairs:
"It doesn't matter what you say or what you do... that's as good as it gets."
Or, in other words:
Your world can be turned upside-down, over and over again, doesn't matter how many times, but that doesn't matter. Gravity is always pointing in the same direction.
Everything eventually changes in some way, thus change is a fixity.
Total Information Awareness
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
movin' shop
Good News:
That's Beijing is moving locations! because damned if we aren't all about to start an armed uprising over the ghastly commute we daily suffer! Southwest Beijing Businesses Housed in Governmental Regulatory Agency Office Park Buildings reprasent!
Better News:
We're moving into a hotel! owned by Zhong Dian Media, the shady media company holding some kind of stake in the current retarded stewardship of That's Beijing. And it's right next to the subway!
Awesome News:
The name of the new place is the Rich Hotel! Awesome! We're going to be Rich!
Older Man: This has bad idea written all over it.
Young Girl: I am frustrated with my work to point of insanity.
Young Man: We now sleep where we work! My parents will be over-joyed!
That's Beijing is moving locations! because damned if we aren't all about to start an armed uprising over the ghastly commute we daily suffer! Southwest Beijing Businesses Housed in Governmental Regulatory Agency Office Park Buildings reprasent!
Better News:
We're moving into a hotel! owned by Zhong Dian Media, the shady media company holding some kind of stake in the current retarded stewardship of That's Beijing. And it's right next to the subway!
Awesome News:
The name of the new place is the Rich Hotel! Awesome! We're going to be Rich!
Older Man: This has bad idea written all over it.
Young Girl: I am frustrated with my work to point of insanity.
Young Man: We now sleep where we work! My parents will be over-joyed!
no 会, ma恩
Actual office conversation had while work was trying to be done:
"Excuse me, [Syme], what's the difference between the words 'competition' and 'contest'?"
--Context.
"No. 'Contest'. What's the difference between the two words: 'competition' and 'contest'?"
--The difference between the two is the context in which you use them.
"'Contest' not 'context'."
--I know. The difference is the context in which you use them.
"No. 'Contest'; what is the difference?"
--The two words: 'contest' and 'competition', they differ according to how you use them.
"I'm not talking about 'context', 'contest'. What is 'context'?"
--Context is how in one situation you would say one over the other, it just depends on the situation.
"What's the meaning? 'Context'?"
--'Contest'?
"'Context' is the right say? What's difference with 'competition'?"
--'Contest' and 'competition' are different according to context, in one situation you say one...
"What is 'context'?"
--There's no difference in the meaning, just it depends on when you say one or the other?
"What is difference in meaning? 'Context' and 'competition'?"
--Wait, 'contest'.
"Context."
--The difference between 'conTEST' and 'conTEXT' is one letter, they have different meanings.
"Oh, I understand. It's difficult! 'Contest' and 'competition' have same meaning."
--Yes!
"I understand... What is 'context'? How to spell?"
(Conversation eventually came to an entropic end after 5-10 minutes or so...)
Almost there!
"Excuse me, [Syme], what's the difference between the words 'competition' and 'contest'?"
--Context.
"No. 'Contest'. What's the difference between the two words: 'competition' and 'contest'?"
--The difference between the two is the context in which you use them.
"'Contest' not 'context'."
--I know. The difference is the context in which you use them.
"No. 'Contest'; what is the difference?"
--The two words: 'contest' and 'competition', they differ according to how you use them.
"I'm not talking about 'context', 'contest'. What is 'context'?"
--Context is how in one situation you would say one over the other, it just depends on the situation.
"What's the meaning? 'Context'?"
--'Contest'?
"'Context' is the right say? What's difference with 'competition'?"
--'Contest' and 'competition' are different according to context, in one situation you say one...
"What is 'context'?"
--There's no difference in the meaning, just it depends on when you say one or the other?
"What is difference in meaning? 'Context' and 'competition'?"
--Wait, 'contest'.
"Context."
--The difference between 'conTEST' and 'conTEXT' is one letter, they have different meanings.
"Oh, I understand. It's difficult! 'Contest' and 'competition' have same meaning."
--Yes!
"I understand... What is 'context'? How to spell?"
(Conversation eventually came to an entropic end after 5-10 minutes or so...)
Almost there!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
(a Work In Progress) -- HiPower theme song
(sung in the style of an uptempo, brisk "Communisty" march)
There's just noth-ing quite as-- sour!
A-waking late on a fine day's after-noon--
We're all train-wrecks nursing bad hang-o-vers
Be-cause of our-- jobs-- at-- (All together now!)
Hi-Pow-er! Hi-Pow-er!
Where the foreign edi-tors--
are handed the buck of all responsi-bil-i-ties--
with-out any kind of real--
High-Pow-er! High-Pow-er!
Where we point-less-ly toil
for a face-less few, just for a chance to say--
Hello!-- to Hi-Pow-er! to Hi-Pow-er! (Hello!)
Stub-born river-crab bosses always sche-ming--
in guan-xi-laden sham i-vory to-wers--
While the rest of us are simply drea-ming--
of ba-sic business-- com-mon sense!
just-- meri-to-cracy!
and a whole slew of pigs--
and ass-es for them--
to fly out of! (All just as likely!)
Hi-Pow-er! Hi-Pow-er!
You just simply would-n't be--
If your rott-en busi-ness model--
was act-ually free-- to suff-o-cate--
un-der its own--
in--com--pe--tence! (Bye-Power!)
"...but where exactly is this March headed?"
There's just noth-ing quite as-- sour!
A-waking late on a fine day's after-noon--
We're all train-wrecks nursing bad hang-o-vers
Be-cause of our-- jobs-- at-- (All together now!)
Hi-Pow-er! Hi-Pow-er!
Where the foreign edi-tors--
are handed the buck of all responsi-bil-i-ties--
with-out any kind of real--
High-Pow-er! High-Pow-er!
Where we point-less-ly toil
for a face-less few, just for a chance to say--
Hello!-- to Hi-Pow-er! to Hi-Pow-er! (Hello!)
Stub-born river-crab bosses always sche-ming--
in guan-xi-laden sham i-vory to-wers--
While the rest of us are simply drea-ming--
of ba-sic business-- com-mon sense!
just-- meri-to-cracy!
and a whole slew of pigs--
and ass-es for them--
to fly out of! (All just as likely!)
Hi-Pow-er! Hi-Pow-er!
You just simply would-n't be--
If your rott-en busi-ness model--
was act-ually free-- to suff-o-cate--
un-der its own--
in--com--pe--tence! (Bye-Power!)
"...but where exactly is this March headed?"
Thursday, April 2, 2009
consistently missing the point
It's been something of a long whiles since I've updated here. Forces completely out of my control sent this Blarg into hiding as a rather inflammatory forum posting on a non-competitor's website (non-competing because between This mag and That, only one functions like an actual, operating, honest-to-god magazine) started to get passed around among the office staff I work with and the Conceit Behind the Farce of that's Absurd quickly lost its context, and honestly became a bit of a danger to daily/weekly/whatever-ly maintain.
A mole! A mole in our midst! I was, in the end, found out by some of my closer acquaintences here and the only reproach I received came in phrasings as damning as: "Yeah, I mean, it's all true." Heh.
But back to current events: We have a new boss! Huzzah! The White Whale continues to cling with his sets of teeth-guanxi to whatever he can as he sinks, bitterly and surprisingly solemnly into the briny deep (recently found out, his previous job before this one?: running some other nightlife-related mag into the ground; oh fer two, ouch!) and this new guy, Klamm, the new Boss, he has effectively stepped into a situation not unlike the situation America has been facing now that a certain W. has all been put out to pasture, politically.
Though many, many forces unseen went into chosing our newest Immediate Overlord, and I'll be damned if I were to ever bet on finding out who this new guy actually is, where he came from, what experience he has, and what his actual plans are for all of... well, this.
More and more pointless, Tower of Babel-esque meetings later, and it's beginning to look like an opportunity for fortuitious change and what little chance there was to turn a decaying, smoldering brand back into its mint-y, shiny self has all but circled round the plug hole for the last time. Man, oh man! is the force strong with the more guanxied around here... The problem is, most of the ones I casually refer to as the "rotten ones" with select co-workers, they're in charge of the departments that are directly responsible for making a print mag work as a business/enterprise and tangible, attractice/aesthetically-pleasing physical object.
The Way Things Are Done here, not just in this country, but in this company, would truly just baffle a lot of the people reading this. Yes: you there. I can't tell you how many times people who read the magazine feel the need to criticize everything wrong that the people on the inside already know and are constantly trying to battle with, trying to correct things for the better. But...
...to recap my State of Being for all my time spent here so far:
-A (likely) misguided sense of Hope became participation in a Comedy
-This Comedy quickly became a series of Absurdities
-The laughter has since slowly (and painfully) come to fade, and Absurdity has become Farce
-Now, at present, this (that's?) Farce is becoming Futility
In fairness to a recently renewed sense of Perspective and (as-close-to)Objectivity(-as-humanly-possible), and to quote T.S. Eliot...
In my beginning is my end.
But to brighten things up...!
A quick impression of what it's like to ask one of the "associative" editors in charge of ensuring payment to freelancers... for confirmation of payment!
Dog 1: But the White Whale has told me not to pay.
Dog 2: ...
A mole! A mole in our midst! I was, in the end, found out by some of my closer acquaintences here and the only reproach I received came in phrasings as damning as: "Yeah, I mean, it's all true." Heh.
But back to current events: We have a new boss! Huzzah! The White Whale continues to cling with his sets of teeth-guanxi to whatever he can as he sinks, bitterly and surprisingly solemnly into the briny deep (recently found out, his previous job before this one?: running some other nightlife-related mag into the ground; oh fer two, ouch!) and this new guy, Klamm, the new Boss, he has effectively stepped into a situation not unlike the situation America has been facing now that a certain W. has all been put out to pasture, politically.
Though many, many forces unseen went into chosing our newest Immediate Overlord, and I'll be damned if I were to ever bet on finding out who this new guy actually is, where he came from, what experience he has, and what his actual plans are for all of... well, this.
More and more pointless, Tower of Babel-esque meetings later, and it's beginning to look like an opportunity for fortuitious change and what little chance there was to turn a decaying, smoldering brand back into its mint-y, shiny self has all but circled round the plug hole for the last time. Man, oh man! is the force strong with the more guanxied around here... The problem is, most of the ones I casually refer to as the "rotten ones" with select co-workers, they're in charge of the departments that are directly responsible for making a print mag work as a business/enterprise and tangible, attractice/aesthetically-pleasing physical object.
The Way Things Are Done here, not just in this country, but in this company, would truly just baffle a lot of the people reading this. Yes: you there. I can't tell you how many times people who read the magazine feel the need to criticize everything wrong that the people on the inside already know and are constantly trying to battle with, trying to correct things for the better. But...
...to recap my State of Being for all my time spent here so far:
-A (likely) misguided sense of Hope became participation in a Comedy
-This Comedy quickly became a series of Absurdities
-The laughter has since slowly (and painfully) come to fade, and Absurdity has become Farce
-Now, at present, this (that's?) Farce is becoming Futility
In fairness to a recently renewed sense of Perspective and (as-close-to)Objectivity(-as-humanly-possible), and to quote T.S. Eliot...
But to brighten things up...!
A quick impression of what it's like to ask one of the "associative" editors in charge of ensuring payment to freelancers... for confirmation of payment!
Dog 1: But the White Whale has told me not to pay.
Dog 2: ...
Friday, March 20, 2009
the white whale is dead
Can't say that I've lately felt particularly obligated/compelled (or even able!) to contribute to whatever the hell project this blag is meant to represent. After catching the MKitto talk at the Bookworm, and seeing how worn fighting senseless battles with faceless morons can really make you, well, let's just say I've seen the light for how impossibly hard it is to keep up with keeping yourself safe (read: always being prepared for the path of plausible deniabilty) while simultaneously being able to enjoy yourself and your work. I'm speaking on behalf of the more passionate among us working in this twisted country's Media Nether Regions.
Of a more personal nature, I am now able to see more clearly the reasons why I began this blog in the first place, and while those same reasons do seem to remain as equally valid as they were before (frustration, sheer intrigue, misguided sense of adventure?), I find myself in a state of disappointment over so far being unable to sufficiently capture the consistently chaotic, humanly flawed, Tower of Babel-ishness of this place in a way that won't leave me feeling guilty for having done so, or at least in a way that doesn't resort to doting mockery: which just becomes fodder for the immature adults running a similar kind of Evil Empire "competitor" motoring along on a laughably out-dated mag-business model. Heh.
But I am actually worried that I haven't done enough to capture the sizable number of genuinely well-intentioned people working here, the ones simply doing the best they can with an awful situation, kind folks who wouldn't know what to do with their lives if it weren't for the Threshing Paranoia Machine which currently employs them. I've seen these people excuse themselves from the office to shed futile tears, chain smoke themselves back into a stable frame of mind, you know, things you people wouldn't believe. Perhaps this blog is a weak-kneed attempt at recording these kinds of injustices.
Nah.
In other more recent (and positive for me) news, I've had something of a glorious, revolutionary(!) breakthrough in being able to tell my tale (have I mentioned that some of my co-workers have already found me out?) that is not only fair, but certainly passes the "censure" test without me having to name names.
So call me K.? Syme? Ishmael? Loser? Sometimes fiction's simply the best you can do when everyone around you seems to be living in (working towards?) an illusory fantasy.
So, yeah, speaking of Moby Dick, our White Whale (the rotten apple at the top of a very precarious pile of title-ful managers responsible for a great deal of the Bad absurdities the magazine has had to deal with) is dead. Well, not dead. Just put out to pasture, meaning: transfered somewhere else. Out goes one English-less boss, in comes another.
Mr. Newboss... I suppose from here on out, I can call him: Klamm.
Klamm, holding his first meeting today in which he very confidently put the unruly (and to put it tactfully: incompetent) Elanger in his rightful place, has already promised one-on-meetings with all staff members:
That's me, on the right.
Of a more personal nature, I am now able to see more clearly the reasons why I began this blog in the first place, and while those same reasons do seem to remain as equally valid as they were before (frustration, sheer intrigue, misguided sense of adventure?), I find myself in a state of disappointment over so far being unable to sufficiently capture the consistently chaotic, humanly flawed, Tower of Babel-ishness of this place in a way that won't leave me feeling guilty for having done so, or at least in a way that doesn't resort to doting mockery: which just becomes fodder for the immature adults running a similar kind of Evil Empire "competitor" motoring along on a laughably out-dated mag-business model. Heh.
But I am actually worried that I haven't done enough to capture the sizable number of genuinely well-intentioned people working here, the ones simply doing the best they can with an awful situation, kind folks who wouldn't know what to do with their lives if it weren't for the Threshing Paranoia Machine which currently employs them. I've seen these people excuse themselves from the office to shed futile tears, chain smoke themselves back into a stable frame of mind, you know, things you people wouldn't believe. Perhaps this blog is a weak-kneed attempt at recording these kinds of injustices.
Nah.
In other more recent (and positive for me) news, I've had something of a glorious, revolutionary(!) breakthrough in being able to tell my tale (have I mentioned that some of my co-workers have already found me out?) that is not only fair, but certainly passes the "censure" test without me having to name names.
So call me K.? Syme? Ishmael? Loser? Sometimes fiction's simply the best you can do when everyone around you seems to be living in (working towards?) an illusory fantasy.
So, yeah, speaking of Moby Dick, our White Whale (the rotten apple at the top of a very precarious pile of title-ful managers responsible for a great deal of the Bad absurdities the magazine has had to deal with) is dead. Well, not dead. Just put out to pasture, meaning: transfered somewhere else. Out goes one English-less boss, in comes another.
Mr. Newboss... I suppose from here on out, I can call him: Klamm.
Klamm, holding his first meeting today in which he very confidently put the unruly (and to put it tactfully: incompetent) Elanger in his rightful place, has already promised one-on-meetings with all staff members:
That's me, on the right.Thursday, March 12, 2009
adventures in logo design, vol.1
The website's going to be shedding some skin in a couple days, growing and changing hopefully for the better, so imagine my delight to fire 'er up in Firefox and to see this gem of a design for the site logo. No idea where it came from or who made it, but man it feels good to laugh it up every once in a while, doesn't it?
And I can't wait for the web editor to see it because it's 100% certain that he/she didn't approve of this bad boy. It sure is great to work in a company where anyone and everyone can and does contribute to the graphic design of the greater good!
But seriously, "th[]t's"? Granted the mouse (or lamp?) is meant to be an "A", but come on, that barely registers on first glance!
"Yeah, man. You gotta check out all the best stuff in Beijing online."
'Oh yeah, brah? Wherez I gots to go?'
"Oh, check it out. This totally rad website: Thts."
'Thts? Sounds pretty cool.'
"Yeah, brah. Thts."
'Thts, total thts.'
High five.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
the only apt metaphor i can think of: imagine if during the opening ceremony for the olympics if jin xiping's speech had been 10 hours long
Ten hours. Ten whole hours was how long our hastily-called Sunday staff meeting was. It began at 9:30am and ended at 7:30pm and we didn't move from our chairs the entire time, except to individually step out for a minute or so for whatever reason. TV dinner-style cafeteria food and newpapers-for-placemats were even brought to us as we all sat and tried to figure out just why the hell this meeting was called in the first place. It had been advertised by our English-less boss (have I mentioned his previous job was directing propaganda films for the government?) as some kind opportunity, meeting, something that would change the current state of ship-at-sea-without-anyone-at-the-rudder the mag is painfully going through.
I'm sure to write more about it later, but long story short:
We each passionately spoke at length and openly about necessary changes that we each felt needed to be made to give the mag's design a greater focus, how to provide a clearer vision for its business plan and an overall strategy for reaching our target audience.
In ten hours, no concrete decisions were achieved regarding:
- What necessary changes need to be made
- How to give the mag's design a greater focus
- How to give its business plan a clearer vision
- Our overall strategy for reaching our target audience is
- Who our target audience is
The job becomes more and more a tragi-comedy every day I manage to muster enough energy to slug myself down to the office.
The funny thing is, the ten hours went by pretty quickly... and what we were going through was by no means "fun" in any sense of the word. I guess the mind is easily transfixed by something that refuses to be understood, but more on that later.
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
I'm sure to write more about it later, but long story short:
We each passionately spoke at length and openly about necessary changes that we each felt needed to be made to give the mag's design a greater focus, how to provide a clearer vision for its business plan and an overall strategy for reaching our target audience.
In ten hours, no concrete decisions were achieved regarding:
- What necessary changes need to be made
- How to give the mag's design a greater focus
- How to give its business plan a clearer vision
- Our overall strategy for reaching our target audience is
- Who our target audience is
The job becomes more and more a tragi-comedy every day I manage to muster enough energy to slug myself down to the office.
The funny thing is, the ten hours went by pretty quickly... and what we were going through was by no means "fun" in any sense of the word. I guess the mind is easily transfixed by something that refuses to be understood, but more on that later.
Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
Friday, March 6, 2009
the bell is tolling but god only knows who for
This is not what you want to hear from your immediate superior when you find out an impromptu meeting with The Faceless Bigwig has been called for sometime on Sunday: "This is going to be a unique episode in our lives." Even better when you hear that the topic of said meeting is about "big changes" that are coming.
Ooh! I hope it'll be change for the better! That's the only kind of change there is, right? For the better?
Two out of three Chinese grannies agree:
Confucian Nepotism makes for a strange
bedfellow with open-minded foreign staff.
Ooh! I hope it'll be change for the better! That's the only kind of change there is, right? For the better?
Confucian Nepotism makes for a strange
bedfellow with open-minded foreign staff.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
my new goal: at least one reader in antarctica
Click to view.I find it pretty funny that this blog technically now has a farther reach than the actual magazine.
Come on Africa! You're slacking!
Meanwhile, back in mag-world, deadlines are coming up and I've got a ton of shtuff to edit.
The only thing worth reporting as of late: the lovely two part harmonies some of my coworkers have been wont to walk around singing. It's really quite lovely, to be serenaded by your coworkers in an otherwise stale and static, white-walled office building. La la, la la lah... La la! La-la la-la... Ah... so serene...
This is a daily occurence as well. Great new way to get rid of all the spare mao coins I have laying around at home: put a down a hat in front of their desks and ask for requests, toin a coss, clink, I wonder if they know any Elton John?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
the brand is saner on the other side: going meta-
Heh.
It's nice to know that someone over at "the" can appreciate what's going on in these neck of the woods. Hopefully I can laugh and shed some tears for the both of us.
It is a small world afterall. Cheers.
It's nice to know that someone over at "the" can appreciate what's going on in these neck of the woods. Hopefully I can laugh and shed some tears for the both of us.
It is a small world afterall. Cheers.
Monday, March 2, 2009
i pray no one ever calls my listed "office line" number, i have no idea where that phone is
This is what it says on the back of my company business cards:
The that's brand is supervised by the State Council Information Office of the People's Republic of China, and published by China Intercontinental Press. Zhong Dian Media Co., Ltd is in cooperation with CIP. HiPower Media Co., Ltd is the only organization with rights to run advertising for that's."
So, you know, if you were a company looking to run some ads to promote your goods and services to the expat community in Beijing, and you had hoped to utilize the readership That's is able to reach... shoot! Looks like HiPower has beaten you to the punch and has signed a monopolizing ad contract with... um, whichever one of these "organizations" actually controls That's. So sorry, only HiPower gets to run ads.
"... the only organization with rights to run advertising..." I gotta hand it to the legal gurus they must have found to draft the back of their business cards. A cunning move to force individuals into becoming businesses to fight for all the precious, precious ad space that is available. Split up all the troublemakers to make them easier to marginalize and control, right?
Update:
Thanks to my roommate for calling the "office line" number. Imagine my confusion when someone from another part of the office came to get me: "Phone. Phone."
The that's brand is supervised by the State Council Information Office of the People's Republic of China, and published by China Intercontinental Press. Zhong Dian Media Co., Ltd is in cooperation with CIP. HiPower Media Co., Ltd is the only organization with rights to run advertising for that's."
So, you know, if you were a company looking to run some ads to promote your goods and services to the expat community in Beijing, and you had hoped to utilize the readership That's is able to reach... shoot! Looks like HiPower has beaten you to the punch and has signed a monopolizing ad contract with... um, whichever one of these "organizations" actually controls That's. So sorry, only HiPower gets to run ads.
"... the only organization with rights to run advertising..." I gotta hand it to the legal gurus they must have found to draft the back of their business cards. A cunning move to force individuals into becoming businesses to fight for all the precious, precious ad space that is available. Split up all the troublemakers to make them easier to marginalize and control, right?
Update:
Thanks to my roommate for calling the "office line" number. Imagine my confusion when someone from another part of the office came to get me: "Phone. Phone."
Friday, February 27, 2009
caught in an editorrential downpour
Editing honest-to-god Chinglish is like reading with a child's thoughts in the midst of discovering for his or herself basic information about the outside world:
"Many of us may already learn from school book that Persian culture is one of the four ancient civilizations. But do you ever know that all splendid treasures belong to one Mideast country, today called Iran. As the cradle for human being’s culture and civilization, this ancient country was known as Persia until 1935. Over its 2,500- year distinguished history, Iran did pose great impacts for our global culture either in ancient time or today’s world. The ago-old “Silk Road” made different continents far away much more closed, no matter the west or the east. It was the “Silk Road” connecting Iran and China, largely enhancing economic and trade exchanges. These two different cultures did make their first spark since the time being."
Also, Chinglish just frankly works better--and you save a lot of time editing--if you just replace all the periods with exclamation marks:
Many of us may already learn from school book that Persian culture is one of the four ancient civilizations! But do you ever know that all splendid treasures belong to one Mideast country, today called Iran?!?!?? As the cradle for human being’s culture and civilization, this ancient country was known as Persia until 1935!!!!!!! Over its 2,500- year distinguished history, Iran did pose great impacts for our global culture either in ancient time or today’s world!!! The ago-old “Silk Road” made different continents far away much more closed, no matter the west or the east!111!!!! It was the “Silk Road” connecting Iran and China, largely enhancing economic and trade exchanges!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These two different cultures did make their first spark since the time being!!#$$%$%^$#*$&)@#(%^(*&$!!@!!
Wow, I am remarkably crass.
Full-disclosure: the selection above is just a taste of a 2,000 or so word article one of our more "ambitious" staff members tried to force into the magazine at the last second, well into the final design period and well past any semblance we had of a deadline, this is in addition to numerous prior rejections of the article from a series of superiors. Undettered! as this wayward "journo-in-training" was (numerous times overstepping his/her authority to plead his/her case to our English-less boss for the article to be in the mag) with the compromise "we" finally had to agree to (and by "we" I mean those of us trying to run a damn magazine) was to drop the mini-magnum opus into a 50-word blurb in the events section.
*Wipes hands.* Problem solved! Right?
This was on Thursday, issue went to print over the weekend... Let's just say I won't be surprised if the full article is in the March issue.
Huzzah!
"Many of us may already learn from school book that Persian culture is one of the four ancient civilizations. But do you ever know that all splendid treasures belong to one Mideast country, today called Iran. As the cradle for human being’s culture and civilization, this ancient country was known as Persia until 1935. Over its 2,500- year distinguished history, Iran did pose great impacts for our global culture either in ancient time or today’s world. The ago-old “Silk Road” made different continents far away much more closed, no matter the west or the east. It was the “Silk Road” connecting Iran and China, largely enhancing economic and trade exchanges. These two different cultures did make their first spark since the time being."
Also, Chinglish just frankly works better--and you save a lot of time editing--if you just replace all the periods with exclamation marks:
Many of us may already learn from school book that Persian culture is one of the four ancient civilizations! But do you ever know that all splendid treasures belong to one Mideast country, today called Iran?!?!?? As the cradle for human being’s culture and civilization, this ancient country was known as Persia until 1935!!!!!!! Over its 2,500- year distinguished history, Iran did pose great impacts for our global culture either in ancient time or today’s world!!! The ago-old “Silk Road” made different continents far away much more closed, no matter the west or the east!111!!!! It was the “Silk Road” connecting Iran and China, largely enhancing economic and trade exchanges!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These two different cultures did make their first spark since the time being!!#$$%$%^$#*$&)@#(%^(*&$!!@!!
Wow, I am remarkably crass.
Full-disclosure: the selection above is just a taste of a 2,000 or so word article one of our more "ambitious" staff members tried to force into the magazine at the last second, well into the final design period and well past any semblance we had of a deadline, this is in addition to numerous prior rejections of the article from a series of superiors. Undettered! as this wayward "journo-in-training" was (numerous times overstepping his/her authority to plead his/her case to our English-less boss for the article to be in the mag) with the compromise "we" finally had to agree to (and by "we" I mean those of us trying to run a damn magazine) was to drop the mini-magnum opus into a 50-word blurb in the events section.
*Wipes hands.* Problem solved! Right?
This was on Thursday, issue went to print over the weekend... Let's just say I won't be surprised if the full article is in the March issue.
Huzzah!
guillotine
Bearing in mind the "censures" let through a story with thinly veinly stabs at Official-Newspaper-Chinglish, the following were cut from the "news" section for the March issue:
U.S. Amusement Park In Beijing
Universal Studios is comin’ to town, though not exactly in the form of another big-budget, blockbuster movie. CRI is reporting that the mega movie studio is planning on building a theme park with a total investment of up to ten billion RMB (about $1.5 billion given exchange rates at the time of publication, but expect that figure to be different by the time you read this) in the soon-to-be famous-er part of Tongzhou district known as ‘Liyuan Town’ just east of Beijing. Expect to see loads of brand-new entertainment facilities, hotels, restaurants and shopping centers one would expect of a fantastically ersatz virtual wonderland; it’s been earmarked as a “key project for 2009” by Beijing’s municipal government, presumably to cash in on all the tourists yet to arrive in China. Hong Kong still has Disneyland, but now at least Beijing will have a Universal Studios!
Have Diploma, Will Travel
Although it is only the beginning of the niu year, the number of registered unemployed college graduates has already hit 1.5 million, according to CRI, reporting on sources from the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. Plans for a graduate training program have been put into place by the State Council, China’s cabinet, and should take effect in the next three years. The measures are part of a coordinated effort to battle growing social instability, though given the general temperament of recent college graduates, a better idea may have been to hand out free PSPs.
Skynet Goes Online in 2010
The General Administration of Press and Publication, China’s national media regulating body, has gone on record to publicly declare that by 2010, “[all] profit-making media and publishing entities will be decoupled from the government institution to be separate companies.” Allegedly, ISBN numbers, publication licenses and content will be subject to “less restrictions” according to a report filed by danwei.org. But why? The edict’s intent is predicated on the premise that a relaxation in governmental control over media will give way to an internationally-recognized Chinese press or media organization that will be a relevant force on the world stage. Whether or not the plan ultimately falls into the realm of reality is a matter for time to tell.
The Odd Couple
One is drowning in debt from five maxed-out credit cards and desperate to hold down just about any job to make payments on a house worth less that the total amount owned on the mortgage, ignoring the fact that this guy’s credit history should have prevented him getting the house in the first place… while the other makes as little as $700 a year (but saves $275 of it) working the fields, doesn’t really owe anything on the run-down, one-room shanty he lives in and is generally just as worse off as he was before. According to a recent op-ed run by Forbes.com these markedly different kinds of Average Joes are who the prospective and different economic bailout plans of America and China are specifically targeting, though it remains to be seen which one will end up more like the other in the coming years…
U.S. Amusement Park In Beijing
Universal Studios is comin’ to town, though not exactly in the form of another big-budget, blockbuster movie. CRI is reporting that the mega movie studio is planning on building a theme park with a total investment of up to ten billion RMB (about $1.5 billion given exchange rates at the time of publication, but expect that figure to be different by the time you read this) in the soon-to-be famous-er part of Tongzhou district known as ‘Liyuan Town’ just east of Beijing. Expect to see loads of brand-new entertainment facilities, hotels, restaurants and shopping centers one would expect of a fantastically ersatz virtual wonderland; it’s been earmarked as a “key project for 2009” by Beijing’s municipal government, presumably to cash in on all the tourists yet to arrive in China. Hong Kong still has Disneyland, but now at least Beijing will have a Universal Studios!
Have Diploma, Will Travel
Although it is only the beginning of the niu year, the number of registered unemployed college graduates has already hit 1.5 million, according to CRI, reporting on sources from the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. Plans for a graduate training program have been put into place by the State Council, China’s cabinet, and should take effect in the next three years. The measures are part of a coordinated effort to battle growing social instability, though given the general temperament of recent college graduates, a better idea may have been to hand out free PSPs.
Skynet Goes Online in 2010
The General Administration of Press and Publication, China’s national media regulating body, has gone on record to publicly declare that by 2010, “[all] profit-making media and publishing entities will be decoupled from the government institution to be separate companies.” Allegedly, ISBN numbers, publication licenses and content will be subject to “less restrictions” according to a report filed by danwei.org. But why? The edict’s intent is predicated on the premise that a relaxation in governmental control over media will give way to an internationally-recognized Chinese press or media organization that will be a relevant force on the world stage. Whether or not the plan ultimately falls into the realm of reality is a matter for time to tell.
The Odd Couple
One is drowning in debt from five maxed-out credit cards and desperate to hold down just about any job to make payments on a house worth less that the total amount owned on the mortgage, ignoring the fact that this guy’s credit history should have prevented him getting the house in the first place… while the other makes as little as $700 a year (but saves $275 of it) working the fields, doesn’t really owe anything on the run-down, one-room shanty he lives in and is generally just as worse off as he was before. According to a recent op-ed run by Forbes.com these markedly different kinds of Average Joes are who the prospective and different economic bailout plans of America and China are specifically targeting, though it remains to be seen which one will end up more like the other in the coming years…
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
jogging a tightrope
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. -- Abraham Lincoln
A lot of people (kidding! I don't know a lot of people, let's say:) Some people have told me, or have at least implied in my general direction, that this little bizarre blog is a Bad Idea Waiting To Get Worse even though I'm pretty sure that there's a sizable group of people out there who would find a behind-the-scenes look at That's Bizarre pretty funny, if not fascinating, terrifying, pitiful and/or confusing, to say the least.
The way I figure it: I've already got all this experience writing and editing copy for an extremely rigid (yet absurdly facetious) Bigass-Bureaucracy-Beast whose whims and wishes change more frequently than the wind and for reasons usually less than obvious. The name of game in never being "caught", especially in such a linguistically unique country such as, I dunno, this one, I would assume is to game the system by never serving up what's expected of you. I had considered taking photos of the people I work with to flesh this blog out with some color, but I think I've realized, the best use of this space will be to seek out the moments of plausibility in an otherwise (here comes that word again) absurd place to work.
Another thing I've come to learn: there's always a way to write for an audience more critical than it knows what to do with itself (hint: censors).
When your job is to shit on ideas to make them more "publicly viable", or whatever the hell nonsensical philosophy there is behind such a thing, you don't feel like you've done your job until you've dumped on your work at least a little.
Word to the Wise Writer #1: Intentionally include over-the-top inflammatory portions of a piece that covers a controversial topic. The grossly "offending" parts are excised and the attention is drawn away from controversy of the piece at large. This works just as well by offering up "sacrifice" pieces to be slashed so the ones you actually want to make it through do.
One out of many faceless Golden Shield web-censors agree.ⓒ
The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. -- Jonas Salk
I suppose I will be continuously refining my goal for what I intend to use this space for. We all are witness (I should hope) to absurdities everyday, though I imagine most choose to not stop, stare and ponder, laugh and giggle for so long about why such a weird thing may or may not happen, um, like I tend to do.
Like just the other day a coworker of mine -- with whom I very often verbally struggle, sometimes mightily, not just to understand his/her intentions but to simply figure out: just what exactly is your job again? You find yourself saying to him/her: "Wait... what, why?" -- this coworker of mine, his/her desk is further down the row computers we all sit at like drones everyday, and just the other day he/she walks into the office having returned from a meeting, the bathroom, sleeping outside - I have no idea - just holding in his/her arms this huge box of pens which came from...?
"Pens! Pens! I've got pens! Who's want's a pen?" He/she motions to me and gets my attention, "Hey... Pen? You need a pen?"
I was in the middle of a typing an email. Everyone looks up to figure out what exactly is going on. Pens? Wait... what, why?
Most everyone: "Um... no? I'm, uh, going to go back to typing at my, um, computer." Type type.
Me: "Hell yeah! Pen me up!"
Him/her: "Pen!"
My only regret is not seizing such an obvious opportunity for a high-five. The sad thing though: I've already misplaced it. Damn.
I'm not exactly sure why this story was worth sharing... though would it be interesting to know that our pen-friend here, this Johnny Pencilseed act of charity was likely the only productive thing he/she did all day. Maybe that's why we were all taken aback by his/her act's, um, misguided-ness?
Always be smarter than the people who hire you. -- Lena Horne
What an array of characters in this place. I'm serious, I wish I could be more specific, and in time I hope to find a strategy of doing so within this lil' walled garden to call my own.
The best thing about working somewhere where you come not to expect the unexpected, but actually come to expect some special form of entropy meets nihilism meets naked opportunism meets anarchistic power grabs meets... what's a synonym for "pointlessness"? Yeah, well, the best part about working in a place like that is learning to take it easy in situations that by necessity don't warrant a relaxed attitude.
Yeah, man. I may get to writing about how stressed I was when I first started here but whew! what a messy month that was.
Work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. -- Vaclav Havel
You beginning to understand what this blog is yet? No? Well I'm not too sure I understand either. This other recent tale may not help things either:
We were working on snatching up all the right domain names, you know, to build a successful website, because that's one does when one works for Media in the 21st century (or in this case: a kind of media) when one of us suggested, "Ooh! What about dot C-N?" Yeah! Let's try it. That would be a great one to buy!
Click.
Wait... what, why?
A minute or so of confused silence. Then we laughed, pretty hard too.
http://thatsbj.cn/
We're still waiting for their webmaster to respond to our email asking if they want to sell, though if I ever do, the body of the email would likely go something like:
See: http://thatsbj.cn/
A lot of people (kidding! I don't know a lot of people, let's say:) Some people have told me, or have at least implied in my general direction, that this little bizarre blog is a Bad Idea Waiting To Get Worse even though I'm pretty sure that there's a sizable group of people out there who would find a behind-the-scenes look at That's Bizarre pretty funny, if not fascinating, terrifying, pitiful and/or confusing, to say the least.
The way I figure it: I've already got all this experience writing and editing copy for an extremely rigid (yet absurdly facetious) Bigass-Bureaucracy-Beast whose whims and wishes change more frequently than the wind and for reasons usually less than obvious. The name of game in never being "caught", especially in such a linguistically unique country such as, I dunno, this one, I would assume is to game the system by never serving up what's expected of you. I had considered taking photos of the people I work with to flesh this blog out with some color, but I think I've realized, the best use of this space will be to seek out the moments of plausibility in an otherwise (here comes that word again) absurd place to work.
Another thing I've come to learn: there's always a way to write for an audience more critical than it knows what to do with itself (hint: censors).
When your job is to shit on ideas to make them more "publicly viable", or whatever the hell nonsensical philosophy there is behind such a thing, you don't feel like you've done your job until you've dumped on your work at least a little.
Word to the Wise Writer #1: Intentionally include over-the-top inflammatory portions of a piece that covers a controversial topic. The grossly "offending" parts are excised and the attention is drawn away from controversy of the piece at large. This works just as well by offering up "sacrifice" pieces to be slashed so the ones you actually want to make it through do.
The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more. -- Jonas Salk
I suppose I will be continuously refining my goal for what I intend to use this space for. We all are witness (I should hope) to absurdities everyday, though I imagine most choose to not stop, stare and ponder, laugh and giggle for so long about why such a weird thing may or may not happen, um, like I tend to do.
Like just the other day a coworker of mine -- with whom I very often verbally struggle, sometimes mightily, not just to understand his/her intentions but to simply figure out: just what exactly is your job again? You find yourself saying to him/her: "Wait... what, why?" -- this coworker of mine, his/her desk is further down the row computers we all sit at like drones everyday, and just the other day he/she walks into the office having returned from a meeting, the bathroom, sleeping outside - I have no idea - just holding in his/her arms this huge box of pens which came from...?
"Pens! Pens! I've got pens! Who's want's a pen?" He/she motions to me and gets my attention, "Hey... Pen? You need a pen?"
I was in the middle of a typing an email. Everyone looks up to figure out what exactly is going on. Pens? Wait... what, why?
Most everyone: "Um... no? I'm, uh, going to go back to typing at my, um, computer." Type type.
Me: "Hell yeah! Pen me up!"
Him/her: "Pen!"
My only regret is not seizing such an obvious opportunity for a high-five. The sad thing though: I've already misplaced it. Damn.
I'm not exactly sure why this story was worth sharing... though would it be interesting to know that our pen-friend here, this Johnny Pencilseed act of charity was likely the only productive thing he/she did all day. Maybe that's why we were all taken aback by his/her act's, um, misguided-ness?
Always be smarter than the people who hire you. -- Lena Horne
What an array of characters in this place. I'm serious, I wish I could be more specific, and in time I hope to find a strategy of doing so within this lil' walled garden to call my own.
The best thing about working somewhere where you come not to expect the unexpected, but actually come to expect some special form of entropy meets nihilism meets naked opportunism meets anarchistic power grabs meets... what's a synonym for "pointlessness"? Yeah, well, the best part about working in a place like that is learning to take it easy in situations that by necessity don't warrant a relaxed attitude.
Yeah, man. I may get to writing about how stressed I was when I first started here but whew! what a messy month that was.
Work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. -- Vaclav Havel
You beginning to understand what this blog is yet? No? Well I'm not too sure I understand either. This other recent tale may not help things either:
We were working on snatching up all the right domain names, you know, to build a successful website, because that's one does when one works for Media in the 21st century (or in this case: a kind of media) when one of us suggested, "Ooh! What about dot C-N?" Yeah! Let's try it. That would be a great one to buy!
Click.
Wait... what, why?
A minute or so of confused silence. Then we laughed, pretty hard too.
http://thatsbj.cn/
We're still waiting for their webmaster to respond to our email asking if they want to sell, though if I ever do, the body of the email would likely go something like:
See: http://thatsbj.cn/
Friday, February 20, 2009
hard work
Today, all ten or so of us held our scheduled-for-10am April issue planning meeting in the only conference hall that was available, which turned out to be some sort of conference/banquet studio-place that could easily accommodate hundreds of people; the big, ominous STATE GRID plaque attached to the wall overlooking the main podium area only added to the hallowed-ness of the meeting, which would (surprise) ultimately come to embody an exercise in inefficiency.
We finally got started at 10:30am and the laborious proceedings eventually wrapped up some time around 2:30pm. At one point I believe we spent close to thirty minutes (possibly more) trying to convince the three chipper representatives from the marketing team that if we were going to have blatant product tie-ins within the text of our articles, that they would need ensure that these potential clients would need to provide us with high-quality photos of their products from their PR people. I can't remember what became of the matter because I simply stopped listening after the first couple or so loops in what quickly because an exercise in circular reasoning:
Marketing: "We need photos to make design good of the article."
Editorial: "When you get in touch with the clients you've approached..."
M: "Right."
E: "Make sure you they send you their promo package, digital images, product stills..."
M: "Uh-huh."
E: "It will save us a lot of time when you're first setting up the contacts with these people, that you make sure we want to get everything they're willing to give us."
M: "So when freelancer contact designer or clothes market, they will ask for photo make design good."
E: "Well, yes if you can't get in touch with the company's PR department."
M: "We will contact fashion designing company for contact to give to freelancer write the article, they can collect the pictures."
E: "Wait, what?"
M: "We will contact company to get contact for interview, to write the introduction. We need you make sure get good image for article design."
E: "No, what we're saying is that--"
M: "Oh."
E: "... It will save time if you get their PR team in touch with us right away."
M: "Yes, we will contact PR team to get you contact to get picture. But we can't forget to have freelancer contact PR for marketing article design."
(meanwhile) Me: If I just got up and walked out, would anyone notice?
Funny thing is, a lot of other people did just that when no one was paying attention. At one point it was my turn to speak and my audience had dwindled to just a handful. Even stranger is that people would get up, disappear for up to an hour and then return later and affect a serious I'm listening to you face, as if they had never left. Next time, when we have another one of these group exercise sessions to workout our vocal chords and it's my turn to talk, I may just get up and leave mid-sentence, continuing to talk as I exit the room and enter the elevator down the hall.
You may be wondering, what could possibly make sitting through a four-hour editorial planning meeting of this caliber worthwhile? (especially considering what was actually accomplished over the four-hour period could have been done over email)
Answer: the impromptu pizza party thrown by our incapable-of-speaking-reading-and-writing-English boss! Who every thirty minutes or so would provide moot commentary (through a translator) for a discussion that would always continue on without him, but would hinge on his seemingly-alien decision-making abilities. I guess that part was cool. Burp.
We finally got started at 10:30am and the laborious proceedings eventually wrapped up some time around 2:30pm. At one point I believe we spent close to thirty minutes (possibly more) trying to convince the three chipper representatives from the marketing team that if we were going to have blatant product tie-ins within the text of our articles, that they would need ensure that these potential clients would need to provide us with high-quality photos of their products from their PR people. I can't remember what became of the matter because I simply stopped listening after the first couple or so loops in what quickly because an exercise in circular reasoning:
Marketing: "We need photos to make design good of the article."
Editorial: "When you get in touch with the clients you've approached..."
M: "Right."
E: "Make sure you they send you their promo package, digital images, product stills..."
M: "Uh-huh."
E: "It will save us a lot of time when you're first setting up the contacts with these people, that you make sure we want to get everything they're willing to give us."
M: "So when freelancer contact designer or clothes market, they will ask for photo make design good."
E: "Well, yes if you can't get in touch with the company's PR department."
M: "We will contact fashion designing company for contact to give to freelancer write the article, they can collect the pictures."
E: "Wait, what?"
M: "We will contact company to get contact for interview, to write the introduction. We need you make sure get good image for article design."
E: "No, what we're saying is that--"
M: "Oh."
E: "... It will save time if you get their PR team in touch with us right away."
M: "Yes, we will contact PR team to get you contact to get picture. But we can't forget to have freelancer contact PR for marketing article design."
(meanwhile) Me: If I just got up and walked out, would anyone notice?
Funny thing is, a lot of other people did just that when no one was paying attention. At one point it was my turn to speak and my audience had dwindled to just a handful. Even stranger is that people would get up, disappear for up to an hour and then return later and affect a serious I'm listening to you face, as if they had never left. Next time, when we have another one of these group exercise sessions to workout our vocal chords and it's my turn to talk, I may just get up and leave mid-sentence, continuing to talk as I exit the room and enter the elevator down the hall.
You may be wondering, what could possibly make sitting through a four-hour editorial planning meeting of this caliber worthwhile? (especially considering what was actually accomplished over the four-hour period could have been done over email)
Answer: the impromptu pizza party thrown by our incapable-of-speaking-reading-and-writing-English boss! Who every thirty minutes or so would provide moot commentary (through a translator) for a discussion that would always continue on without him, but would hinge on his seemingly-alien decision-making abilities. I guess that part was cool. Burp.
mea culpa: the February Cover
Pretty much everyone I've spoken to about the February issue has asked me the same question:
"What's the deal with the car?"
What's the deal, indeed. There's no explanatory title to be found and the blurred pink text found below seems to be in no way related to the picture of a driver-less Bentley parked in some grey-blue void.
To make matters even worse, you open the magazine, flip through a couple pages of posh-esque ads for V.S.O.P. cognac, flip past the colophone and letter from the managing editor to find the table of contents, and then you see this bit:
"COVER FEATURE --- Microfinance: Humble Dreams"
"Microfinancing?" you think to yourself, "What does that have to do with the picture of the luxury car?" Answer: precious, precious little, though to be honest it's much, much closer to: nothing at all.
This obvious flaw in the magazine's basic design (what goes on the cover is Media 101, right?) may seem to some like a darkly ironic comment on the economic status quo, though I can assure you that such an assessment would be giving way too much credit to the lone few responsible for the gem of an idea: "Hey... let's sell the cover to an advertiser! Yeah!" mere hours before the issue was set to be sent to the printers. But, in case you were wondering, this is not the "mea culpa" I came here to atone for in this post.
No. What we actually got wrong was simply forgetting to link the Bentley to the microfinancing article! Right? Ignoring the fact that there were some in the office with brains-not-made-of-water who fought to prevent the last-minute cover swap, our fault really lies in the fact that we just forgot to give the cover a headline to account for the contents inside the magazine! so that you, dear Reader, could look forward to the sheer reading joy waiting within! It was our to job give you sufficient enough reason to crack the cover, and we managed to blow it... but just this one time. I swear. We learn from our mistakes.
Like, here's what should have happened: OK. Management has made a decision: "This picture of a car is going to be the cover." Your first thought: "Wow, that idea is worse than sex with a wet bag of broken glass." But you're not the boss and the necessary next step is to make the best of an already weird situation and implement the decision that's been made.
OK. Time to brainstorm! Hmmm... A Car... and microfinancing... A Car?... and microfinancing... Hmmm... Solution?:
What's the deal, indeed. There's no explanatory title to be found and the blurred pink text found below seems to be in no way related to the picture of a driver-less Bentley parked in some grey-blue void.
To make matters even worse, you open the magazine, flip through a couple pages of posh-esque ads for V.S.O.P. cognac, flip past the colophone and letter from the managing editor to find the table of contents, and then you see this bit:
"Microfinancing?" you think to yourself, "What does that have to do with the picture of the luxury car?" Answer: precious, precious little, though to be honest it's much, much closer to: nothing at all.
This obvious flaw in the magazine's basic design (what goes on the cover is Media 101, right?) may seem to some like a darkly ironic comment on the economic status quo, though I can assure you that such an assessment would be giving way too much credit to the lone few responsible for the gem of an idea: "Hey... let's sell the cover to an advertiser! Yeah!" mere hours before the issue was set to be sent to the printers. But, in case you were wondering, this is not the "mea culpa" I came here to atone for in this post.
No. What we actually got wrong was simply forgetting to link the Bentley to the microfinancing article! Right? Ignoring the fact that there were some in the office with brains-not-made-of-water who fought to prevent the last-minute cover swap, our fault really lies in the fact that we just forgot to give the cover a headline to account for the contents inside the magazine! so that you, dear Reader, could look forward to the sheer reading joy waiting within! It was our to job give you sufficient enough reason to crack the cover, and we managed to blow it... but just this one time. I swear. We learn from our mistakes.
Like, here's what should have happened: OK. Management has made a decision: "This picture of a car is going to be the cover." Your first thought: "Wow, that idea is worse than sex with a wet bag of broken glass." But you're not the boss and the necessary next step is to make the best of an already weird situation and implement the decision that's been made.
OK. Time to brainstorm! Hmmm... A Car... and microfinancing... A Car?... and microfinancing... Hmmm... Solution?:
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